ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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