Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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