i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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