so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
