so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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