I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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