That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
