Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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