there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
