Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
