She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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