and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
