Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
