wrigley field is MILF paradise
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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