Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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