I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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