i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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