Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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