note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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