My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
