I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
