i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
