I'm drive I can fine osifer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
