Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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