he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
