Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
