but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
