Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what is it with giant penises always finding me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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