i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
