omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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