why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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