where am i from again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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