I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
