Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
