Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
