He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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