She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
