From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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