I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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