I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
