and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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