at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
