Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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