But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
