Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
