She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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