wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
