I've blown a few things in my day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
