Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
