i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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