you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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