i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize