@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
