girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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