Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
