HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
