its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
