I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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