Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
