I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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