No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
