i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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