it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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