I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
