I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
