Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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