he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
