Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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