so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
