census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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