I heard we made out
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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