It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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