dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
