i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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