you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
its liver damage thursday
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
