Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
did i just pee glitter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
