The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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