But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
