judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
