I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
