Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
