just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
