allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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