I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
